Have you ever asked yourself the real reasons why you are attracted to someone?
There are, of course, many reasons that can explain why you are attracted to someone or a particular person.
Some of these reasons are conscious. For example, you are attracted by his appearance, his way of behaving, the sound of his voice or even the sensation you feel when he or she touches you.
These character traits or qualities are obvious and jump out at you. Indeed, you can easily identify and recognize them.
But beneath the surface of your consciousness are hiding many other factors that contribute to your attraction to someone.
These criteria are subconscious and sometimes you are not even aware of them. They respond to wishes and desires that you would like to fulfill with this person.
So these needs that you are trying to meet are very different from the desires of the mind since they are only related to the heart.
And, those wishes you seek to fulfill are the hope of fulfillment, of healing old wounds, or of realizing your full potential.
Then there are other reasons why you are attracted to a particular individual. These are related to the idea of the experiences you can have with him or her. How to recognize a man in love who hides his feelings?Play Video
And, how that person can improve the quality of your life. For example, you think that the person who attracts you can bring passion, peace, exuberance, joy and healing into your life.
Thus, that a feeling of accomplishment which is accompanied by a less troubled and calmer existence.
As an adult, you inevitably have open wounds.
No one escapes it: we have all had negative experiences in the past. So, once an adult, you probably still have open wounds.
These injuries, of which you are more or less aware, are accompanied by low self-esteem, a lack of confidence and anxiety.
Indeed, your painful experiences have had a determining role in the construction of your personal image.
Suddenly, you have the impression that you are not complete / complete or up to the task. In short, you don’t think you’re worthy of being loved.
So you are attracted to someone who makes you feel like you are whole / whole. As if you had found a part of yourself that you lacked until then.
So when you are in a romantic relationship, you more easily identify your wounds and start working on their healing.
In fact, you’re finally offering attention to sides of your personality that you had overlooked until then.
The healing process involves accepting and learning to love those parts of you that are broken.
Thus, you finally offer them compassion and care. And, you are ready to accept that your other half does the same.
Once the level of confidence is high enough in your relationship, your hidden and deep wounds naturally resurface.
Indeed, with a partner you trust completely, you can finally support and accept what was previously insurmountable for you.
In fact, what you had buried deep inside you and what you had refused to look in the face for so many years comes into the light of your consciousness.
And, it is this evolution accompanied by the compassionate and loving presence of a person that can transform pain into love.
Self-awareness can be shaken by many experiences.
For example, growing up in a family where the interactions are superficial and light can handicap you.
Indeed, because of this, you may find it difficult to make meaningful connections with others.
Then there are also other factors that come into play. The sources of your open wounds can indeed vary.
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Physical, sexual or emotional abuse, neglect, rejection, humiliation, abandonment, mockery or extreme punishment can be reasons.
Of course, growing and maturing means that you have to face your fair share of challenges. So, difficulties, problems and obstacles are part of life.
No one can escape it. Simply put, not everyone has the same amount of problem.
And, not everyone reacts the same to suffering and pain.
Of course, there are extreme cases. When violence, suffering, and terror are pervasive in your life, it’s hard to build good self-esteem.
For example, if you grew up with a mentally disabled person, in the middle of a conflict or in an abusive home, the consequences will be felt in all your romantic or friendly relationships.
So when you don’t get the support or loving attention when you’re dealing with trauma, you start to internalize your pain.
And, it creates deep wounds that you bring as emotional baggage into every romantic relationship.
You can heal your wounds only if you receive loving attention and unconditional acceptance from your partner.
Unfortunately, the healing process can be very painful. Indeed, when you finally decide to face your injuries, you trigger a succession of negative emotions.
Indeed, the pain related to abuse, neglect or unmet needs of your past is activated again in your present.
So you have to make the conscious choice to wake up the pain from your past experiences again.
To heal, you must indeed unearth all that you have hidden with so much effort. You have to remember what you’ve been trying to forget all your life.
But, until that pain is confronted with the compassion of your or your partner, your healing cannot begin.
Indeed, many people have had to deal with extreme degrees of trauma from their youth.
So these people felt that they did not belong to their family. Or, they no longer wanted to be part of it.
Since they could not significantly change or adapt to their situation, they rejected everything.
Indeed, they rejected their entire world in an effort to create a more tolerable reality.
The survival strategy takes a lot of courage.
People who are suffering, or who have suffered a lot, must use their survival instincts.
However, this requires a lot of courage and ingenuity since it involves taking a risk.
They choose to step into the unknown by breaking bonds based on unhealthy family values.
But, a compassionate, strong and loving romantic relationship provides undeniable support during this process.
Indeed, to get out of the vicious circle of dysfunctional family patterns and to begin your healing, you need to be understood and supported.
But, that’s where the irony or lack of logic of the situation lies. Why ?
Because you are mainly drawn to people who exhibit the same qualities as the people with whom you have suffered so much.
Indeed, very often people who have abuse-related injuries choose partners who have the same character traits as their abuser (s).
And, it’s not because you’re trying to punish yourself. But, for a much deeper reason.
I know it’s not going to be easy to understand but here it is… These people are the ones who will more easily allow you to access your past experiences.
With them you can feel what you felt when the injuries occurred.
However, it is this connection with the past that finally allows you to offer the necessary attention to your pain.
Admit it: you didn’t know you were looking for a partner who would help you heal your emotional wounds!
Honestly, who of us can say that he or she consciously chooses a romantic relationship in order to recover from his or her emotional wounds?
Moreover, most of the time, we are not even aware (e) of the nature of these injuries.
However, something magical happens when you are in a romantic relationship where trust reigns.
Everything that has been neglected, buried, forgotten or concealed naturally resurfaces. And, it is because of the feeling of security and compassion.
When these two qualitative criteria are present in your relationship, all of your unfinished work from the past emerges.
However, here this unfinished work are the wounds that you buried. The deep will to feel complete / complete prompts you to face your fears.
These fears created by your past injuries (during childhood or adulthood) no longer seem so insurmountable as that.
Besides, this desire is often fueled by your determination to feel free. You no longer want to be a slave to your limited inner world.
Indeed, these hidden wounds handicap you. They prevent you from living a fulfilled, authentic, honest and passionate life.
It is the mutual support of a partnership of two healed souls that allows you to free yourself from the chains of your past.
The healing process is not a one-way street.
Sometimes it may well seem that one partner is “the patient” who needs help while the other is “the provider”.
But, generally speaking, this is not the case! In fact, in most situations both partners need to heal.
They both have to make efforts but in different directions.
Everyone has their way of the cross in order to feel complete!
And, you tend to be more attracted to people who seem to have injuries similar to yours.
Why ? Because it is easier and more effective to access your buried or rejected pain in this kind of partnership.
Obviously, this process can be long and difficult. And, it’s usually not a decision you make intentionally or consciously.
In fact, it’s a choice you make when you have confidence and when you feel supported by your partner.
Suddenly you realize that you can finally feel complete§complete with this person.
While you usually try to resist the pain and fear associated with these experiences, with the good partner, you embrace them.
You have to choose between living a life of silent despair or facing your demons.
Moreover, many people prefer to continue to ignore what is eating them from the inside.
They resist this process, which is natural and understandable. Indeed, it takes a lot of courage, strength and commitment to face your pain.
And, most importantly, you need the support of your partner. He or she must be ready to go the distance with you.
This person should be aware that the fight will be long and difficult. But, when the survival of your partner is at stake, you are normally ready for anything.
Each case is of course different. But, one thing is certain: the road is always paved with surprises, failures and victories.
In the process of personifying this commitment, these qualities become stronger.
Besides, you feel like you are not the person you were when you started your healing.
In fact, both partners are changing. They both become more autonomous as individuals.
And, more related as a couple. The path can be daunting and intimidating but it is worth it.
The reward that awaits you at the end of this process is immense. Moreover, this work is essential for your romantic relationship.
And, it’s a real job of love!
Conclusion
I imagine that before reading this article, you thought you knew what attracted you in a person.
You surely believed that you were looking for physical qualities such as beauty or elegance. And, moral qualities like kindness and generosity.
Up to a point, you are not wrong. But, the reasons you really want to be attracted to a particular individual are the qualities related to their emotional strength.
So people who seem to have injuries similar to yours attract you. Someone you recognize as a trustworthy person.
And, an individual who seems to be able to help you heal your wounds from the past, without being afraid or fleeing.
In short, a partner who can go the distance on your winding path through your painful past is what attracts you.
