May those who have never envied a lasting couple raise their hands! Mh… not a lot, is it?
Invited to the anniversary of a couple celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary or in front of two lovers dining at a restaurant to celebrate their 10 years of happiness, we could only ask ourselves this question: what is their secret?
The thing is, there is not one secret but several . Some are very classic and are no longer really “ secret ” but that’s it, they have proven to be the key to a fulfilling and lasting relationship.
Overview of the 10 Key Ingredients of a Healthy Relationship that Stands the Test of Time.
1. Confidence
Key Ingredients of a Healthy Relationship – The first ingredient, the inevitable, is obviously confidence
It is essential in the couple. Being able to rely on the other without asking questions is really the basis.
This trust is what will bring lightness to your relationship… and who says lightness means well-being.
We all know the horrible opposite feeling of being worried all the time, leading us towards abyss that we would prefer to avoid. How to recognize a man in love who hides his feelings?
Please note that trust must be mutual: this means that we must also give our partner reasons to trust us.
Gently titillate him about this colleague who is “too hot at work” because we find that Chéri does not look at us enough, well, it’s limited but it’s still acceptable; on the other hand, we will avoid insisting to the point of making him paranoid.
It would be taking the risk of losing his confidence and everything would be ruined.
Also Read: How To Know You Have An Emotionally Abusive Parent
2. Communication
Key Ingredients of a Healthy Relationship – The second ingredient is communication
Still a classic but communication is one of the pillars of any human relationship and the couple is no exception.
The impression of falling into this routine that everyone is talking about and of knowing the other perfectly (well especially their faults …), it happens faster than you think and it can lead us to forget 2 important elements:
– our partner is a unique, exceptional, complex human being;- our partner evolves over time.
A whole life will not be enough for you to know who you are really living with so you have to take an interest in him, ask him questions about his past, his day or his plans and dreams.
We could sum it up as follows: when we do not speak to each other, we cannot understand each other.
To risk remaining on misunderstandings, unspoken, even resentment, it’s pretty blah isn’t it?
How could our other half know we’re not doing well if we don’t tell them?
How could our lover learn that his behavior has hurt us if we decide not to verbalize him (innuendo does not count)?
A good discussion can solve a lot of problems and also helps to instill some of that confidence that we were talking about above.
It is not always easy to open up and force yourself to do so, it is proving to the other that the discomfort created by speaking out is less important than wanting to put things down.
This is valid when we are angry but also when everything is fine!
3. Sincerity
Key Ingredients of a Healthy Relationship – The third ingredient is sincerity
It is difficult these days to be sincere when everything seems to be pushing towards the artificial and the superficial.
It is however an imperative to apply in your relationship and this from the beginning.
When we settle down with a person, we must realize that we are signing a pact that involves the acceptance of everything that revolves around (people, situations, hobbies, etc.).
It is therefore better to be honest with the other immediately to lay a solid foundation in your story.
Communicating and being sincere must be done with kindness.
This will mean saying what one feels, without necessarily seeking to please the other, while remaining as diplomatic as possible.
Keeping things to yourself and end up exploding one day, for no apparent reason, is a situation you want to avoid.
Also Read: Here are the real reasons why you are attracted to Someone
4. Respect – Key Ingredients of a Healthy Relationship
Key Ingredients of a Healthy Relationship – The fourth ingredient is respect
Mutual respect is the sign of a strong couple.
Over time, each person’s peculiarities, initially attractive, can become the source of many conflicts.
While accepting differences is not always easy, it can, on the other hand, enrich the relationship for a long time.
The differences between spouses are often the very root of their love affair.
They are the ones who invite to go towards the other, which make him attractive because we discover that he is unique …
But once the novelty and the discovery have passed, the differences of the other appear more and more as flaws.
However, it is really when we recognize what makes the particularity of the other that love is born. We can then love him for what he really is.
This is what specialists call mature love. The desire to hurt him or reveal the secrets of which he is ashamed; don’t pass him off as an idiot for revenge.
5. Compromise (aka Ideal vs Reality )
Key Ingredients of a Healthy Relationship – The fifth ingredient is the ability to compromise (aka ideal vs reality )
You might have hoped not to see him on this list, but bad luck, compromise is inevitable if you want a relationship that lasts!
It is absolutely essential, whether in friendship as in love.
We often have an idealized vision of the couple when we are at the beginning of the relationship but very quickly, reality takes over… Afterwards, do not mix everything up, making compromises does not mean giving up on one’s principles.
It is rather to define an order of priority of things: is it really worth the blow to fight for the choice of the film in the cinema?
Look at it this way: if you agree to go see his favorite movie, he’ll have to let you choose the evening sofa program next time, right? Compromise, that’s all there is to it.
Also Read: Unconditional love, what is it really?
6. Maintain Your Sexual Bond
Key Ingredients of a Healthy Relationship – The sixth ingredient is to maintain your sexual bond
Sexual complicity is often neglected although it plays a very important role.
The fact of kissing, hugging, caressing and sharing intimate moments promotes the production of a substance called “the hormone of love”, oxytocin.
As time goes by, most couples touch each other less and less, their bodies secrete less and less oxytocin and they therefore feel less “in love”.
Maintaining sexual complicity by kissing languidly is a great way to save your relationship from the ravages of time.
And if from the start, sex is not important for both of you then the advice remains the same: practice together an activity that brings you both of this hormone of love (meditation, physical exercise, physical contact such as a massage, etc.)
7. Keep A Secret Garden
Key Ingredients of a Healthy Relationship – The seventh ingredient suggests you keep a secret garden
What is called codependency is a harbinger of failure in almost all relationships and we see that it is non-existent in long-lasting couples.
Maintaining your own passions, interests and concerns therefore seems to be linked to the success of long-term relationships.
You must both have your own space and your own pace, but also respect them.
If you don’t leave a part of your life outside of your partner’s, you won’t have much to contribute.
To share quality time, it is important that no one really depends on each other’s lives.
A beautiful and long life as a couple depends first of all on two separate lives that are fully developed and which do not interfere with each other sickly!
Also Read: 10 Secrets to Know Before Dating a Highly Sensitive Person
8. Mutual Attention
Key Ingredients of a Healthy Relationship – The eighth ingredient is mutual attention
Emotional intelligence in a couple is to continue to see each other and “keep the flame alive”, not to succumb to the traps of routine.
Always remember that the person in front of you is a respectable and kind person. He is a special guest in your life and he can never be taken for granted .
This uncertainty should prompt you to kindness, to sweet words and to signals of gratitude. Did you know that happy couples give each other five to ten times more compliments than criticisms?
Is he taking the trash down?
Thank him. Are you cooking him a meal?
He thanks you.
What you do is neither a due nor an obligation and you do it because you want to.
What matters is that the other realizes it, values it and appreciates it at its true value. As a gift you would give to your couple. Little touches should work both ways, without pressure.
9. Unwavering Support
Key Ingredients of a Healthy Relationship – The ninth ingredient is unwavering support
In a couple, there is always one who invests more in household chores or who earns more money than the other.
Rather than doing accounting calculations, a couple has much more interest in teaming up.
This goes for chores as well as for the small or big tests in life (unbearable colleague, argument with your sister, news that makes you sad, etc.).
There are many reasons for not having morale and we tend to keep everything to ourselves.
It’s a shame because one of the many advantages of a couple is having infallible support within reach.
A person who can listen to us, reassure us, comfort us… and for whom we would obviously do the same thing.
Instead of looking at what is missing, it is essential to look at what is given.
This is the secret of long-lasting couples: they share while taking into account each other’s sensitivities and capacities. It is well known, together, we are stronger.
Also Read: 3 Different Ways To Easily Develop Your Self-Confidence
10. Forgiveness and Forgetting
Key Ingredients of a Healthy Relationship – The tenth and final ingredient on our list is forgiveness and forgetting
It may be the most difficult in the end, but knowing how to forgive and forget the inevitable inconveniences of a married life could make all the difference.
No one is perfect and we all make mistakes.
The problem in a relationship (and in life in general) is that resentment and love will never mix.
Forgiving is not forgetting, but a first step towards a healthier relationship. Then, if we want, we can consider forgetting.
In the long run, know that it will be impossible to move forward together if you are not able to forgive each other.
That said, when some things are too hard to forgive, think about the reason (s) that make (is it really as bad as you think?).
And above all, ask yourself the question of whether you really want to share your life with someone who has committed something that is a unforgivable for you.
This list is not exhaustive as each couple is different and may have different needs, but applying these tips will already be a good start to give you a chance for a stable and peaceful relationship!
