Emotional abuse is the verbally and emotionally aggressive behavior of parents or guardians towards a child.
In practice, it results in criticism, humiliation, belittlement or reprimand. Isolating, ignoring or rejecting a child is also emotional abuse.
We all secretly hope our parents are the perfect role models who treat us with respect.
Unfortunately, this is not always the case. Some children grow up in a very unhealthy family environment.
Their mother and father’s behavior hurts them and causes them trauma that they retain for the rest of their lives.
I must admit that my parents, peace to their souls, were not necessarily exemplary in their model of education.
Indeed, although I never had to suffer physical abuse, the way they spoke with me left an indelible mark on my personality.
For them, nothing was ever good enough. Everyone had bad intentions and I was too stupid to learn to defend myself on my own. How to recognize a man in love who hides his feelings?Play Video
So not only did I never do anything right, but they also controlled my actions, my dating, my messages, etc.
In short, everything was subject to their judgment. And, what a judgment! I was stupid, ugly and, according to them, I should have spent the rest of my life alone, without love.
And, today, when I catch myself saying the same words, I immediately catch up.
I don’t want to reproduce the same pattern and hurt my children. So, I try to learn from their mistakes so as not to make the same ones.
It might just be my worst nightmare come true! And, if you’re in the same situation as me, you surely understand what I’m talking about.
How to recognize the behavior of an Emotionally abusive parent!
There are some telltale signs that prove you’ve had a parent (or more) who emotionally abused you.
Even if you can’t go back in time to change what happened and their behavior, you can use that information wisely.
Indeed, by choosing the proof that you are not someone who imagines things or who invents a life to attract the attention and the sympathy of people, you take back your life.
You have more confidence in yourself and you esteem yourself more. And, on top of that, you can use their mistakes as essential lessons.
Indeed, if you are aware of what your parents did to you, you are not going to treat the people around you, your partner or your children in this way.
Not many people are aware of it, but this emotional abuse damages a child’s emotional and psychological well-being.
In addition, they destroy his self-esteem.
As parents, we all have flaws. We are human beings and therefore we are not perfect.
However, some have serious psychological problems that affect their behavior towards their child (ren).
If you have a distant or even cold relationship with your parents, take a look at the signs below.
Indeed, their actions may have played a role in the development and deterioration of your relationship.
To read also: Easily Develop Your Self-Confidence in 3 Different Ways
If these behaviors sound familiar to you, then you’ve had an emotionally abusive parent (or two):
1. You are Pessimistic by Nature.
When I say “Nature”, I step forward a bit… It’s not really in your nature to be pessimistic.
But, it’s more of a direct consequence of the emotional abuse you suffered.
You cannot see the positive that life has to offer because, in your childhood, your parents gave you a negative image of everything.
People are mean. You are stupid. Life is hard. You don’t need friends because you have parents …
Personal attacks and prolonged exposure to negativity impact the foundations of hope.
So over time you start to see yourself in a pessimistic way as well.
You find yourself no quality. And, over the years, you end up consolidating this idea that you are just a good for nothing!
2. Your Self-Esteem is Very Low.
Dealing with verbal abuse when you’re just a child is very difficult.
If you were constantly criticized or compared to others, it haunts you throughout your life.
But, you have to understand that what your parents told you when you were little was not necessarily the truth.
Accepting this is the only way for you to rebuild your self-esteem as an adult.
You feel like you are less than nothing, you doubt, you hate yourself and you are unaware of your worth.
Why ? Because the verbal abuse, name calling and humiliation of your childhood are still ingrained in your mind.
Your hopes, your pride and your motivation have been destroyed! The emotional abuse you have experienced can take a toll on your mental health.
Thus, you are more prone to depression or emotional deregulation.
Also Read: Hypersensitivity: 10 Secrets to Know Before Dating a Highly Sensitive Person
3. You Hide Your Emotions.
The ultimate defense mechanism! Indeed, you hide your emotions because you learned to do this in your childhood to protect yourself from abuse.
If you ignore a feeling, you don’t have to feel it. And, you can make life more bearable when the circumstances are dire.
But, this defense mechanism makes your adult life difficult because it prevents you from associating with and understanding people.
As a child, you learned to hide your emotions in order to survive emotional attacks.
4. Your Parent(s) Teased You Too Much.
It’s okay to have fun, but teasing can sometimes be beyond reason.
If your parents didn’t involve you in their jokes or laughed at your insecurities, it is emotional abuse.
Especially, if this mockery was a form of manipulation to keep your self-esteem low.
And, if they openly laughed at you, it made you think negatively about yourself.
Repeated humiliation, jokes, mockery and belittlement teach children to behave the same with others.
It’s sad but true!
5. You have Unhealthy Relationships with Others.
It’s not easy to have healthy relationships with others when your parents haven’t set you a good example.
If your parents taught you to be a manipulator, to keep your distance so as not to be hurt, or to behave in a passively aggressive manner, you may not have lasting bonds with your friends or your partners.
And, all the relationship problems you have today come from your childhood. After all, the relationship you have with your parents is the first you have.
So it can have a butterfly effect on the rest of your life. You need to be socially and emotionally competent to build healthy relationships.
However, when you suffered from emotional abuse in your childhood, you have a hard time trusting people.
Plus, you don’t have the tools you need to create and maintain stable and healthy relationships.
6. Your Parent(s) Ignored You.
Verbal abuse is the most obvious and known form of emotional abuse. But, it is far from being the only one.
Being ignored or stigmatized is also a form of emotional abuse. If your parents were to exclude you or leave you out on purpose, then you probably developed negative behavioral patterns.
And, I stress: it is not your fault! For example, you expressed a point of view or proposed an idea that your parents saw as stupid.
They then rejected your advice and simply excluded you from the conversation or from their life.
Also Read: Here are the real reasons why you are attracted to Someone
7. Your Parent(s) put Pressure on You and Checked Everything You Did.
Sometimes emotional abuse disguises itself as conditional love. Does this remind you of anything?
If your parents’ affection depended on your academic performance, athletic performance, etc., it left an imprint on your personality.
But, you must understand that others will love you unconditionally. Even if you don’t get that promotion you want, your partner will still love you.
You were under constant pressure and your parents scrutinized everything you did. So you either had to be on the same level as them (at least on the level they imposed on you) or lose their love.
Because of this, today you have insecurities and you think that love always comes with conditions.
8. You Had No Privacy.
Limits are important especially in the parent / child relationship.
If your parents didn’t let you have any privacy, they wouldn’t listen and respect your boundaries.
They would inspect your phone or computer or read your diary just because they thought you were behaving in a strange or suspicious way.
Really ? And, these same parents also accuse their child of being devious when it is their own behavior that they project on him or her.
Moreover, even today, it is important for you to have limits and to make your loved ones understand that they should not cross them.
9. You Need People’s Attention.
If, as a child, you have been neglected, ignored, or only received negative attention, you seek emotional validation and attention elsewhere.
Even if you are surrounded by positivity in your current life, you may still be actively seeking it because you were deprived of it in your childhood.
A child who does not receive praise, who is not accepted or recognized for who he or she really is, seeks positive attention as an adult.
He or she needs to create strong connections. Emotional abuse starves a child when it comes to love and affection.
So, once an adult, this person fights tooth and nail to get that positivity from those around him.
10. You Still Feel Guilty.
An abusive parent is a great manipulator. In any situation during your childhood, your abusive parent (s) made you feel guilty about having relationships outside of your own.
Sometimes, just to get an emotional reaction from you, they would make you feel guilty about things that have nothing to do with you.
Although it is not easy to understand but it is not your fault. These parents use phrases like “You abandon me” or “You are“ away from me ”.
They seek to isolate you from others in this way and to push you to always choose them!
Having emotionally abusive parent can make your childhood and adulthood very difficult.
But, you don’t have to suffer alone. You have to work on yourself so that you can live a happy life and definitely leave your bad memories in the past.
Also Read: 5 Things Great Dads Do To Make Their Daughters Happy
If you have psychological problems related to emotional abuse from your childhood, do not hesitate to talk about it around you.
Whether it’s a friend, a family member or a professional… You need help to overcome this trauma.
Remember that your sanity and well-being are at stake. If you are feeling good and if you are happy, so will your loved ones.
